Saturday, October 06, 2007

Hang Onto Your Hats Because Brainball is a BIG MANCAT!

MaoMao here.

Yup, Brainball's a mancat, and of course we Ballicai knew that all along cuz we're smarter than beans and we can tell these things about our siblings, but beans aren't as smart as us kitties, ya know, and sometimes they mess stuff up, efun VET beans! Boy oh boy (pun intended) have we Ballicai got a story about Brainball -- and an update on his health to follow.

Efun though wekitties knew the trooth about Brainball all along, it's our sekretary -- MOMMA -- who got it wrong. Effurytime I said "bruther" about Brainball, Momma typed "sistur" cuz that's what she thought Brainball was. She was always gettin' wrong what I'd say onna bloggie and in my komments about havin' three sisturs. I got two sisturs and a BIG BRUTHER! Beans. What are ya gonna do about 'em! hehehe Well, at least she and Daddy's got a clue now.


Have ya stopped reelin' yet? Is anykitty really surprised, though, down deep? I mean, Brainball is GINORMOUS -- sixteen pounds at his "fightin' weight" and he's not fat, he's very tall and broad and big-boned! He's so huge that they couldn't efun put him in the kitty kennel at the vet's yesturday. They had to use the doggie kennel, ecksept they put him far away from the doggies.

And Brainball's furry maskuline in how he moves and how he acts. There's nothin' in his behavior that is femminine at all. He's a Big Tough Alpha Commando Cat. But still and all, he was mistaken fur a gurl by beans (and I still can't believe Momma wroted that he wore an evening gown at his Gotcha Day Party -- it was full-out Battle Dress Uniform, not no evening gown!). And yes, Brainball helped raise Dorydoo and adores her like a daughter, but he was like her kitty Daddy, not her kitty Momma! (Dorydoo did try to nurse on Brainball, though, when she was teensy-weensy... but he was furry patient with her.) But Momma's sorry she got effurybody so konfused about Brainball, all cuz she didn't know no bettur.

Annyhows, here's how the mix-up happuned then continued for six years:

When Momma and Daddy adopted Brainball back in 2001, aftur he'd been abandoned by those awful neighburs who moved away, neither of 'em had been around mancats furry much, espeshully Momma. She'd always had only gurl kitties! Not intenshunally, she likes all kitties the same, but that's just how things happuned fur her. And she kinda took Brainball fur a gurl because she couldn't see no walnuts -- Brainball must have had a hoo-ha-ectomy back when he lived with those awful neighbors. And Brainball's so fuzzy and floofy, Momma couldn't see where his hoo-has used to be. Like I said, at that time, she hadn't been around mancats much.

So when Momma and Daddy adopted Brainball, they called him a gurl but was gonna have the vet say what he was when he was tooked for his checkup. And that first vet (we go to anuther vet now!) said Brainball wuz a gurl, prob'ly fur the same reazon Mom did; Brainball had a hoo-ha-ectomy inna past and he's SUPER fuzzy on his rear end (Mom and Dad call him "Fuzzy Britches" for good reason), and I guess the vet couldn't figure out where his skrotum was in all that fuzz (seems like the vet would look fur the most obvious thing, a boyish wee wee, but he didn't, go figyure -- the people at that first vet's office were good about a lot of things fur the time we Ballicai went to 'em, but they always seemed kinda hurried, and that's prob'ly why that one vet mis-sexed Brainball).

Anyway, just ofur the past year in the course of lookin' aftur the feral kitties, Momma and Daddy switched to a superduper new vet who's closur to home; they take lotsa time with kitties and their beans, and Momma and Daddy were furry impressed. So Momma and Daddy decided to switch alla us Ballicai ofur to this new vet, but Brainball hadn't gotted to go yet. And when Brainball gotted so sick yesturday and they took him to the new vet, they founded out, beyond any doubt, that Brainball's a Big Alpha Mancat who'd had a hoo-ha-ectomy inna past and not an Alpha Ladycat aftur all.

And ya know what, the news didn't surprise Momma or Daddy one bit (efun though they're havin' to do some major pronoun adjustment, sayin' "he" instead of "she"). Momma has actually been suspecktin' the trooth fur a while. She hadn't said nothin' about it to nobody but Daddy, but since she started workin' with a feral colony last year and she's been around kitties of both sexes, she's bekome more and more aware of behavioral differunces between lady cats and mancats -- and the more she observed Brainball in a multicat household, especially with me and Marilyn joinin' the family ofur the past year, she'd been wonderin' more and more if maybe both she and the first vet were furry furry wrong about Brainball bein' a gurl and that maybe he was a boy.

Momma feels like a dunce, but she and Daddy have laughed ofur this a whole lot -- and she fessed up to the new vet that ofur six years of havin' Brainball, she and Daddy had been callin' him a girl, not a boy. They all laffed -- they saw the humor, and alla us do, too.

I guess Momma can be cut some slack since she ain't a vet and when she first adopted Brainball she had pretty much zero experience with mancats, but we Ballicai still can't believe the first vet couldn't figyure out what the heck Brainball is. That vet, bottom line, was prob'ly in too much in a hurry. We're glad we have the superduper good new vet now.

Momma and Daddy are glad that Brainball is a unisex nickname. Brainball's real name is C.J. (for Calamity Jane, but now Calamity Jim!). But Momma really wishes she could turn back the years and have Brainball properly sexed -- she would have named him King Leonidas (and still have Brainball as a nickname). Oh well! King Leo can be anothur nickname, I reckon. A cat can nefur have too many nicknames! And Brainball has a brand new nickname from Daddy: "Ol' Boy" (he calls me, MaoMao, "Li'l Feller").

Okeydokeys, now on to Brainball's Health Update! He's doin' bettur and bettur as time goes by. Today, he cuddled up in Daddy's lap and purred, he rubbed against Momma's legs and purred, and he has peed a lot, too, cuz of the subkootaneous flooids the vet gave him yesturday.

He seems strongur (he was weak yesturday and he didn't like that one bit!) and he's efun doin' some of his Alpha Cat patrols, on a furry limmited basis. He's eatin' bettur -- so far today, he's eated Temptayshuns (he gobbled those like they were doin' outta style!), and Momma tried youkitties' wunnerful suggestion of mikrowaving stinky goodness for a short time to make it extra stinky and nice and warm. Momma crushed up one of Brainball's pills in the extra stinky goodness and he ated it! And he's also eated some dry foodies, which is a furry good thing.

She's still got to get anuthur pill down him -- he's gotta take two pills, a steroid pill and an antibiotick pill, effury day fur the next two weeks. And he's also gotta take yogurt effury day because of the antibiotick, ecksept Brainball don't like yogurt so Momma will prob'ly have to sqwirt it down his throte with a syringe the vet gave her. He's also gotta have eyedroppies efurry day, two times a day, fur his conjunctivitis. He ain't gonna like that one bit.

Efun though things are gettin' bettur, Brainball still feels undur the weathur, and he's sleepin' inna closet a lot (that's his Lion's Den where he goes when he wants really quiet private sleep in a housie with two beans and three othur Ballicai). But Momma's gonna do efurrything she can to get his meds in him effury day so he can keep feelin' bettur, and she's so happy he's been eatin' bettur today.

So please keep purrin' fur us! We all love our big Alpha MANCAT furry much, hehehe.

Love and kissies to my sweetie Ariel!

=-=

Update (in Brainball's words): Yes, I am Mancat, hear me ROAR! Finally the beans have got it straight, sheesh.

I'll go straight to the meat of the matter, as an Alpha Mancat should. I've gotten my medications today, and I've got to say that my Dad is the best Cat Dad a Mancat could have. He and I have a very close bond, and though I love Mom, Dad and I are co-Alphas and we watch each other's backs as though we were soldiers in battle. I trust him with my life.

Dad had Mom get everything ready -- the eyedrops, the syringe with the solution, and the pills, with some butter to help the pills go down easy, and with both of us in mission-oriented mode, Dad pulled me into his lap and administered all the medicine quickly and efficiently. Then he gave me lots of treats, and though I'm going to take a nap now, I know he'll give me a great Mancat Massage when I get back up.

I'm continuing to eat better -- treats, dry food, wet food, and I haven't had to have tuna to entice me to eat, though Mom is warming my stinky goodness in the microwave.

Oh, it feels good to be acknowledged as a mancat at last! Love and my sincerest gratitude to everyone -- cat and bean -- on the Cat Blogosphere, and Mom says to keep those purrs coming.

Added later: Patches of the gorgeous (va va va voom...!) Piney Woods Girlcats asked me if I have a Significant Other. No, I don't. I've been a bachelor all this time, even when I was thought to be a ladycat *harrrrumph!*, but as an older and mature mancat, I like the idea of settling down. As long as my ladycat didn't mind my battle-dress uniforms, time spent on Alpha Cat Patrols, and my combat boots *big mancat grin*, I would love her, defend her, and honor her forever.

45 comments:

The Cat Realm said...

Hahahahahahahahaha - we are LAUGHING our butts off here!!! That is too funny! It happened to friends of the maid too: those beans got a young girl cat and named her Moertel Mae. A few weeks later when the maid visited she played with the girl cat and started laughing and just said: I guess he needs a new name! They renamed him Rimsky Korsakov, which is a way better name anyways! No one had thought of closely checking his private parts before! So you are not alone, these things happen!
Not here! The maid has her degree in Biology, specialized in Animal Behavior - not easy for me sometimes becaue it's hard to trick her!
When I don't want to eat something because I think it is too old or not good enough the staff pours the juice from the human tuna can over it - and low and behold, I can not resist that smell....
I hope now that Brainball got a diagnose for his problems AND is properly addressed as a MANCAT (boy I can't wait till next Monday!!!)he will be all better very soon. I am sending my purrs : purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr purr.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha - still laughin....
Your friend Karl
Someone should make an announcement on the Blogosphere.... Hmmmmmm, mayb I do that.....

Ariel said...

Hi My Sweet Mao,

I promise to read your whole post tommorrow,Mommy changed my blog and screw up alot of things...

Here is the new web address...
http://ariel-thoughts.blogspot.com/

Love You Ariel

The Meezers said...

HAHAHAHAHA. That's a great story. We unnerstand. See, when Norton was 4 years old, he got blocked up real bad wif crystals in his pee and hadded to haf an oper-way-shun where they removed his....um....male plumbing. So ever since then until he went to the Bridge, all the v-e-t-s called him "she" and asked why "her" name was Norton and mommy hadded to say that he was born a boy but had a s-e-x change oper-way-shun. Then efurryone would laff an laff!!

Team Tabby said...

The story about Brainball is hilarious. Brainball IS very manly of course, but not dainty. Sixteen pounds is furry impressive. Once he's feeling better he can start enjoying the Mancat Mondays.

Moe & Mindy

Toby Snowshoe said...

Wow, that's amazing, but I'm not really surprised. Same thing happened to me.

When I was a kitten, my beans were convinced that I was a boy until a friend of their's at the time, who was a bean doctor, said I was a girl. My beans found that hard to believe, but decided that a doctor would know what they were talking about.

When I got older and started sprayin', they knew what I was. I'm just glad that bean doctor wasn't my bean's doctor!!!

Sure hope Brainball's gets to feeling better really fast!
>^..^<

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Wowie, see now we know dat boy kitties are nicer and more accepting of new kitties. Speedy is running around saying stuff about how no gerl kitty cood be dat big and brave and still be a nice kitty...Zippy sez he neffur knew Punkin. We can't wate fur da mancat Monday!

The Cat Realm said...

Yep, I ratted her out (your Mom). The minute I had put my comment on I went over to the Blogoshpere and reported it....
In regard to Toby Snowshoes comment: the maid had a girl cat a long time ago who made the spraying of every male look pathetic in comparison!
Karl

The Meowers from Missouri said...

holey socks! welcome, mancat brainball--an' repeat after us: today, i am a man!!

mom's first kitty, mouse mcnasty, started life as "cinderella" (cause the found him in the ash-pit of the brick barbeque where his catmama had bandoned him), but on a trip to the vet they found out he was a "cinderfella". he was jus' a babycat then, an' mom had nefur in her adult life seen a kitty up close acause of her lergies, so she felt her dimness could be ascused. but a vet makin' a wrong call? we say again: "holey socks!"

Sammawow, China Cat & Willow said...

This is the most amazing story that we have ever heard!!! Although reading the prior comments, it may happen more than we would know! Regardless, Brainball, we love you and hope that you keep taking your meds and feel better real soon!!!!!

Purrrrrrs, China Cat & Willow

Gretchen said...

Brainball, I'm so glad you're getting the medicine you need to get better. You be a good "Mancat" and don't give your beans a hard time about taking those pills.

I must feel great to finally be recoginzed for what your really are! Now get well so you can strut around in your combat boots and mean it.

Hugs and lots of purrs....G

Miss Peach>(^,^) said...

HOLY CAT!!! Brainball is a boy cat! I do hope he has not suffered any identity complex over the past nine years!! This is some kinda news! Well I can understand with all that floof that the parts don't show very well:) amen there!
This has us in a snicker for sure tonight:))
I am just so glad the he is on meds and on the mend. The Alpha Cat patrols will take on a new saunter from here on out!
Pleased to meet you MR. Brainball.
Love Miss Peach

Lux said...

Wow! I am almost speechless!

Nevertheless, I am glad Brainball seems to be feeling a little better - take your medicine, Brainball! - and now I must go because I'm still reeling from this complete turnaround my brain is doing, finding out she's a HE!

Victor Tabbycat said...

Ok, Brainball, but is you ready fur Mancat Monday? That's a funny mistake. Beans are so hung up on, uh, how we're hung! Purrs!

Henry Helton said...

I can't believe this. This is such a funny story. Who would have ever thought! I have got to tell everyone I know about this. I'm gonna go and tell Clyde right now. Hee hee.

Big Piney Woods Cats said...

Oh, my! What a crazy mistake.I am wondering, and this could be a problem, does Brainball have a boycat furriend, cuz now he needs a girlcat furriend. I always thought you looked quite masculine, but didn't want to hurt your feelings.

We are all so glad you are eating and taking your meds.

Patches

Kelly Cat said...

We're sending more get-well vibes your way, ya big man cat!

bunnygirl said...

Oh, how funny! I'm just glad HE's doing better today!

A cat can nefur have too many nicknames!

Indeed. Just ask T.S. Eliot.

poppyq said...

Haaaaaaaaaaha that is the funniest thing I has read all weekend. Poor brainball you must of hated being called a good girl all the time.

At least everyone knows now. I hope they give you a coming out party and give you manly cat things for presents (like cigars and blue mice).

HRH Yao-Lin said...

hahaha oh that is hilarious!! Braiball - it really isn't too much of a surprise you know, you ARE the alpha cat of the household and you DID wear a uniform and NOT an evening gown! Ha ha ha

So...you have only been 'out of the closet' (so to speak) for a day or so and already you have a potential vixen at your paws. Well, i salute you - turns out you are ever the man cat!!

Karen Jo said...

That is really funny. Hiya, MR. Brainball! You can have a good time on Mancat Monday from now on. I am glad that you are starting to feel better. Be good and take your medicine and get well very soon.

Dragonheart said...

Wow!!! I can't believe that the first vet couldn't figure out that Brainball is a Mancat!!! Oh my goodness. Poor Brainball, going through life up to now as a female!

I hope the Brainball is feeling better soon, and I'm sending lots of healing purrs HIS way!

The Furry Fighter said...

on no that is hyesterical! how shameful for the Beans to be so wrong and a Vet Bean too! it's like when someone gave my meowmie a baby parrot, she took it to the vet a few months after getting it cos she was concerned that it wasn;t growing and he told her it was a budgie, not a parrot!

glad the mancat is imprving though! that it wonderful news x

Yoggie said...

Now I learned very much about Brainball! Wow, what a story!
And I am very happy that he is feeling so much better!!!
Love

Eric and Flynn said...

Haha That is the most amazing story we efurr heard. We hafta admit we did fink Brainball wuz a furry errr how do we say it purrlitely? a rather tomboyish looking girl and now we know why.Well done Brainball! Yer seekrit's out now and yoo haf lots of Mancat Mondays to catch up wiv.
pee-ess
Patches is a furry nice ladycat.

Alexi said...

Hahahahahaha! We are glad that the beans finaly kno you are a big MANCAT! We also are glad you're feeling better. Take it easy on your patrols until you're feeling lots better. Don't let them forget you're a MANCAT!

jh an Mickey Mantle said...

deer mao mao.
i am laffin an laffin!
itzza good thing i diden't ask brainball owt onna date!
i wuz alwayz thinkin dat "brainball" wuzzen't a verree feminine name ... now it fitz better!
hope yer feelin better, brainball, u big mancat,u!
luv--jh

Mickey said...

Brainball!! Ol'buddy!!!My Pal!!
It's like a coming out party!! Woohoo to a fellow Mancat!!
Glad yer feeling better too.That's probably cause the finally figured it out.Yer a boy! Now that is cleared up ,I bet you'll start feelin better soon.Good that yer Dad and you have a bond.He knows how boys are and how to treat em ;)

Ariel said...

Hi My Sweet Mao,

"Wow" this is amazing.Some vet's are to quick and rush everything.I guess
I'll now say Brainball's a very handsome Mancat like you.I'm so glad
to hear he's eating and taking his meds.Me and mom will pray for him.
Always remember we love you all...Love and Many Kissies Your Ariel

Fat Eric said...

LOL! That is a good story. Poor Brainball being wrongly address all those years.

I can clearly see you are a big ginger floofy mancat just like me. (Although I am 3 pounds heavier than you even though I have lost weight).

Have you joined the Gorgeous Gingers yet, Brainball? If not, please come to my blog and go to the link to sign up!

Caesar and Princess said...

of course, opening up comments... and seeing Karls comment... we were laughing too.

Humans are sooo dumb. Maybe that is why they adopted us... we hardly have any butt furs...

Happy Mancat Monday tomorrow for Brainballs... uh, Brainøball.

We hope he is feeling better and better now!

purrrr, Prinnie and Caesar

Hot(M)BC said...

Hahahaha! Beans are so silly sometimes. I don't understand why they have such a hard time figuring out the obvious. ::shakes head:: Anyway, we're glad Brainball is feeling better in spite of silly beans just now figuring out he's a mancat.
Purrrrrrrrrrs,
your bud Pepi and his sisfurs

Donny and Marie and Casey said...

Brainball, I have always had a deep respect for you that I never had for my big sister Casey...now, I know why. :)

I can't wait to see your Mancat Monday with Chairman Mao!!

~Donny

Donny and Marie and Casey said...

We hope you get better!

~Marie and Casey

Gemini and Cheysuli said...

Oh dear. I'm glad you are taking that mishap in stride Brainball. You know for a human to have been raised as a girl when they were a boy, they would have had all sorts of emotional issues.

We were surprised that you were a girl. The Woman associates most large orange cats as males.

I'm glad you are feeling better!

Name: Mr. Hendrix said...

ha ha ha ha this made our day! this is the most amazing thing we've ever heard. we can't blame your beans, they aren't vets. how could they know?
i'm glad Brainball is now properly labeled a BIG MANCAT. He certianly is a credit to the group.
I'm purry purry glad he is feeling better. Crossing paws and sending good thoughts he keeps it up.

Black Cat said...

Oh wow! Amazing! But when I first saw a picture of Brainball I thought "she" was a "he" and was quite surprised to find him referred to as "her" and "she". I can quite understand his beans' mistake, but not the first v-e-t. Glad you changed to a better practice! xxx

Earl Grey said...

Brainball - I *knew* you were a dude. Even though your brother and sister were trying to fix us up! If it's any consolation, my mom sort of thought I might be a girl, too. She says it's hard to tell with cats - its lots easier to tell girl dawgs from boy dawgs. heh heh

Glad you're eating and drinking and patrolling. And picking up chicks. (I guess if I wanted to go out with Dorydoo, I wouldn't have to worry about hurting your feelings any more, huh? hee hee)

Happy Sunday Ballicai!

EG

Derby said...

First, big PURRR that you get better.

Second. HAHAHAHA, on the boy/girl thing. When they took my hoo-ha's they left the pouches, so you know I was really a boy.

So you better start posting for MANCAT MONDAY!

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Say, yoo cood do worse den Miss Patches from da big Piney Woods...We'z still purring fur ya big GUY!

THE ZOO said...

oh me oh my. i can totaly relate. when the beans got me and my brofur and sisfur they thought it was 2 gurls, 1 boy. they named me stevie still and my sister is rocky (shawn is the only 1 with a gender specfic name) and thougth i was a big rhonda gurl(from That 70's show) and acourse shawn haded testicles and i didnt. the nite before we was to get fixed, my testicles dropped and the beans shouted stevies a boy ofur and ofur, so embarrassing. and i didnt get no time to enjoy them, they was gone the next day....yurs in suffering, stevie

oh and with my sister angle they still cant decide after 3 years her gender so they say gurl, but dont know fur certain. angle wasd fixed when we founded her as a sray.

DaisyMae Maus said...

Sheesh ... What's the deal with beans not bein' able to tell the difference between a girlie an' a mancat without hoo-hahs?
DMM

Parker said...

Wow, just wow. Mommy was laughing thinking about poor Brainball being gender confused all these years!

Big Piney Woods Cats said...

Dere Brainball:

I wud luv to be your gurlcat. I have nefur known anyone from Ten Seas afore.

Your..
Patches Lady

Kellie The Orange Cat said...

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness - this is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time, ha, ha, ha,ha......Nice to meet you Mr. Brainball : )

Riley & Tiki said...

Glad you are feeling better Brainball and finally identified properly. We thought of another tough guy named Jane. He's in the Serenity movie/Firefly series and is pretty tough too.